- TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
- Washington, D.C
-
- Dear Sir,
-
- I have been evacuated from New
Orleans because the flood took my old trailer and beat up car. I thought I
might go into business to supplement my welfare check.
-
- My friend over at Wells, Iowa received
a check for $1,000 from the Government for not raising hogs.
Right now I'm getting extra help from the government and Red Cross while
I'm displaced but when that stops I want to go into the "not-raising-hogs"
business.
-
- What I want to know is, in your
opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and
what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that
I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies.
I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed
not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate
inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
-
- My friend, Peterson, is very joyful
about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years
or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year
when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1000 for
not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan
to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000
hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can
afford an airplane.
-
- Now another thing, these hogs I
will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand
that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will
I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000
hogs I am not going to raise?
-
- Also, I am considering the "not
milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that
too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally
unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
-
- Be assured you will have my vote
in the coming election.
-
- Patriotically Yours,
- Ima Taker
-
- PS. please notify me when you are giving
out more free cheese.
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